A Constant Internal Battle

Growing up, I always compared myself to my older sister. I always thought she was prettier, smarter, and more talented than I was. It's been years now and I still find myself comparing myself to her. I've gotten a lot better with it though. I don't find myself constantly comparing myself to her like I used to, but it's kinda hard not to when she comes home and talks about the guys that try to talk to her on a daily basis. I can't help but to feel inferior to her. Not only do I think she's better than me in the looks department, but in other areas as well. My sister is extremely smart, she's funny, she's independent, and it seems as if she's never been without a job. Me? I'm fat, unattractive, shy, weird, and currently jobless. I've searched,for years, for 'staple' in life. The other day my sister came home and started talking about some guy at her job who thought she was pretty and all my insecurities just came rushing in my head and I started crying. This whole accepting myself thing is a constant battle. There are days where I feel pretty, but there are days where I feel like just putting a bag over my head. It's really something that I need to figure out. I have to find some kind of self-confidence. I feel like I blame others a lot for the way I feel about myself, but at the end of the day I'm the one who ultimately determines my happiness. I've come a long why with my confidence, but obviously I have a lot more work to do. I'm not quite there, but I'm getting better at it.